Mac Chats

Cormac: What happened to my sandwich? Me: It’s something new. Peanut butter and honey.  Cormac: Where’s the jelly? Me: No jelly. I thought we could switch it up.  Cormac: Why would you ever think I want to try something new? Me: I really should know better. 

Cormac: Mom, I love you so much. Do you know WHY I love you? Me: I’m intrigued. Why? Cormac: Well, I love your breasts and your hair. That’s why I love you! Me: 😳 Cormac: I love mommies so I love breasts and hair.  Me: Makes sense.  This has started with a sweet conversation about how we were so lucky to find one another through space and time. This is where we arrived  

Cormac: I didn’t get a stamp today because I was not good at rest time. I’m never good at rest time Me: Why’s that? Mac: It takes too long. It’s 20 minutes, mom!  I am too loud and I wake my friends.  Me: Do you think you could try to get a stamp for rest time tomorrow?  Mac: It’s not a big deal, mom. I will just get a stamp later for doing a good job at something else.  Me: 😳

Mac: Mom, why do Olivia and Adeline and Sylvia at school love Elsa so much? Me: Hmmm. Because she’s powerful and cool and a queen and magic?  Mac: Yeah, I guess. Me: Well why do YOU love Elsa? Mac: Because she has breasts.  Yep. Makes sense. 

Dad, I really like it when people hold drinks and talk. Merry Christmas!

Well. We finally got to meet the “Big Guy”. Magical is an understatement. I may be a bit “meh” when it comes to holidays, but it’s impossible to be anything but excited when this kid exudes holiday spirit.  He was in awe of the man and just kept grinning and staring.  Me: Cormac, do you want to say anything to Santa? Cormac: Thank you, Santa! ❤️🎅 He did manage, “A Christmas Story”-style, to get out that he wanted a fire truck for Christmas. 😂🤣 And ask 3,000 questions about where the reindeer were and how Santa got here.  He also needs to know if the Reindeer poo when they fly and if they poo cookies. Lucky he asks that at home.  I told him they probably poo cookies and if you don’t poop when you sleep you probably don’t poop when you fly.  🤷‍♀️

Cormac: Mom, I’d like my picture taken with Santa.  Me:  Ok.  Cormac: But don’t let him touch me.  Because he has magic.  🤣❤️🎅🎄

He wants to go to the Other Storyland where the rollercoasters go slow and they have all the swears.  I’m sure I would like it too!

My toys come alive when we aren’t looking. To get even. 😳

Crawls into my dress.  (muffled) I’m a baby. Kick kick. (Squirms around) kick kick! Hey! Is that your bra? I’m a baby in your pouch. (Busts out of the bottom of my dress) Pop! I’m out!!!  And that, folks, is how babies are born. 

Cormac: Can I marry Olivia? Me: 😳🤔 If she consents.  Cormac: Ok! Two days later Cormac: I told Olivia she’s beautiful.  Me: what did she say? Cormac: Thank you. 

A great time had by all. 

Cormac’s dictation to Santa. With several, “mom, are you getting this?” Interjections. 

Cormac is not-so-patiently waiting for iPad time by barrel rolling onto me on the couch. One of his jump attacks involves him banging his ankle on the coffee table.  “See, mom! That’s why I should be on the iPad”. 💀

That’s a fire squirrel! They breathe fire. Fire squirrels are VERY dangerous.  Me: 😳

Me: what are those, Cormac? Mac: hookers.  Me: 😂🤣😂 Mac: you know. They hook on the tree. 

I can’t eat that. I’ll get a stummyache in my tummus. 

Our chat on the way home. Per Cormac; “I don’t want to die. I want other people to die first. Like Jesus Christ and Mr Rogers. “

Me: snags his fry and dips in it ketchup.  Mac: Mom! I’m not sharing fries. Just the pretzel.  Me: (places fry back in basket) Mac: (rolls eyes) Mom. Once you dip it, it’s YOURS.  Me: eats fry Mac: You stole that fry, you know.  #yeahwellimpayingso #macrules #dipit #mactivities

I see Cormac looking in a hand mirror with his mouth open wide.  Me: Everything ok over there? Mac: Yeah. I’m just trying to see where the hiccups come from.  Me: Oh ok. Makes sense.  I then tried to explain where they actually come from but that wasn’t as exciting.